This is going to be Confused-part 2. So ppl, who were not happy with part1 can stay away from this post.
There can be ppl who think that I am confused all the time and hence all the previous posts. But its always true that something that is sensible to me may not be for others. I am surprised as I was not the same before and was always feared of my thoughts being rejected. But now, I know I am liking blogging very much these days and the first rule in it is being open to all sorts of comments. I have realized it after 2 yrs of my blog-life. :P
Ok..now, what am I confused abt? To be precise,rite now, i am confused abt wat I am confused.
I have read it somewhere that human thoughts travel faster than light. very true. The thoughts that prevailed in my confused mind ,when I started with the first sentence, had travelled so far that I have no clue on where it is now.
i dont know why i m blogging now. I am just enjoying it. Nah, this doesnt seem to qualify as a convincing answer. May be that, there is no one around to listen to my thoughts. Or I chose a wider audience for my thoughts to be shared.
Atleast here, I need to justify the heading for this post . And to add on, let me make myself clear here that there will be no direct,simple but never answerable questions in this post.
As in everyone's life, there is good as well as bad in my life. Its my assumption right now that Life has both good to rejoice and evil to crib about.*(subject to change in seconds).
I can concentrate on Good and I will be all happy. But I will not be sure, if I was completely happy or convinced myself that I can fool myself to be so. I can feel simple pleasures on going for walk or fun with kids or just sitting alone,staring at the sky. I would call many people, good old friends and i would feel happy.Ah... Life is so simple... its all about happiness and how mad on my part it was to waste time on stupid, unimportant issues.
But this wouldnt continue for long. I would soon get into the other side of the life. everything around me would seem to be against me. Millions of questions flash thru my mind. Millions has to be an under-estimation for sure. I would try hard not to let my thoughts into the dark side. I would hardly succeed in it. I was able to succeed a couple of times. But that would lead to another thought that it was not supposed to be the way I had to live.And ultimately, the result would be the same though it gets postponed in showing it out.
Well..the confusion here is about what is Life.
Is it all abt happiness? Or is it completely sad? Or, is it a mixture of both?
If its all about happiness, why am i sad at times? If its all sad, why am I happy at times? So, these 2 possibilities are ruled out completely abt life.
If its both in life, why is there no complete happiness or complete sadness at single point of time? Ok..Its my responsibility to define complete happiness and complete sadness. how do I explain it,without experiencing it? Skip it. :P
what am I trying to say. Lets assume both co-exist. Happiness and sadness. Its just that one dominates the other at any point of time. And its my mind that can choose which has to. But my mind is always partial and it tries to suppress the sadness.In that process, mind never know that its letting the sadness to succeed. So I become sad ultimately.
Hold on. When I am happy, I never hesitate to be happy. Why is it that I am so partial to the emotions? I was happy and I was able to accept it. Its a kind of emotion. So is the sadness. I should accept it and why should I get rid of it.yeah, I am sad now for some reason. That reason has to be a valid one at least for me. And ofcourse, the degree of sadness is not going to be the same for everyone. why should I try hard to hide it and make myself happy. I am worried.why should I stop it from happening. Since there was something negative about anything and everything,I had thought abt it and it would be my fault to conclude that there is nothing abt it.
Moreover, whole of universe is all abt change. If I am going to be happy now, i will change and be sad in sometime. And if I am going to be sad now, i will turn out to be happy next moment. So is the cause of the happiness or sadness. that has to change.
ok..where did I start? where did I end? Nowhere. I am still at the same point. :) Dont ask me at which point. I can only question and not answer..
And ofcourse, people who were expecting me not to pose unanswerable questions should know that I failed on it very badly.
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3 comments:
"enna da paandi, enna panna pora??... ethanaiyo panni ennatha nee kanda??.."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klUfnY6aK18
ithan enaku niyabagam varuthu..
yen intha kolai veri?? i stick to(coz many defined and lived it already) what's called 'peace', though i may be 'happy' and 'sad' at times.. these notions tend to degrade/disintegrate slowly when u stress on balancing them i suppose.. this is what i ve been trying for many yrs n couldnt possibly get.. who knows, nobody(except self-asserted mystics) won't get that.. so namma antha pechukey vara vendam.. if u r sad at a time, u r meant to be n let it be n vice versa.. this is what i believe in.. ya.. this brings in a new term.. belief.. after all, its u who believe in these 'terms' and take time to write on them.. so close 'conn.ns' bring in these beliefs n i try to get away ..
http://www.ncf.ca/freenet/rootdir/menus/sigs/religion/buddhism/introduction/truths/karma2.html
i strongly recommend u to go thru this.. though i ve reservations on who wrote this n on what circumstances n the rituals that d ve been followed, these lines r pretty much what i intend to convey..
appada... i m so happy that there s yet another person who failed on searching for peace. or may be i didnt know that i was searching for that only. naama antha pechuke vara venam nu sollita. but intha decision mathavanga sollita vanthudathu... naamala yosichi yosichi, ithukku mela yosichi onnum aaga porathilla nu realize pannum pothu thaan varum. And I also feel that,if we are sad, we are meant to be sad and so lets be that. I dunno how the sad will be if peace peeps in. :P By 'belief', i assume that its the way we understand a certain thing and conclude that this is how it is without any concrete proofs. and i strongly BELIEVE that BELIEFS help us fight against the time and its surprises and shocks.
And about the Law of Karma, its pretty complex :). Law could hav been even more simple. But i feel the inference of the law is, we are responsible for whatever that happens to us. athukku yen pa skillful, unskillful nu solli, pain undakareenga :P
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